Ecomonical Gift Giving

With 17% of the adults in the U.S. either unemployed or underemployed and lots of others anxious about reduced earnings or layoffs, gift giving is a heavy stress this year. Most of us don't want to put more on our credit cards than we bring in, but that emotional tug-of-war between wanting to buy-buy-buy and knowing we shouldn't can be agonizing.

To reduce spending and vastly increase the love you give along with the gift, consider these economical offers for those who are dear to you:

*  A healthy growing plant makes a heart warming gift. Trim off 3" or 4" pieces of your vining plant(s) and set them in a small jar of water until a few good roots have developed. Then plant one or more of those rooted starts in a simple clay pot with a draining saucer underneath. For succulent plants like aloe, wait until new growth "babies" sprout up around the main plant and trasfer those to small clay pots.

* Buy a simple (inexpensive) personal phone and address book and fill in the contact information for every  family member and friend you can track down. The more such phone/address books are used, the faster they wear out and need replacing. (A job most of us put off until the book is falling apart!)

* A set of file cards with your all-time favorite recipes. Plastic "sleeves" are available to keep the cards free of food smudges. Pick out recipes - exotic, inexpensive, quick, simple - that especially fit the lifestyle of the recipient.

All of the above are far more personal than just another plastic or electronic gadget and will be enjoyed for far longer than the generic gift-of-the-week special. And, yes, they are all economical.

Linda

Holiday & Everyday Thanks

Whether you live in the U.S. and celebrate Thanksgiving as November holiday or simply take time to notice the blessings you enjoy, including love, kindness, nature, shelter, potable water, and food enough for sustenance, I wanted to share this affirmation of life with you:

My Affirmation of Life
    *  Today my heart will be filled with love and joy.
   *  I will be grateful for the goodness in my life, and will strengthen my sense
      of trust and peace.
   *  I will welcome each day and will make a powerful effort to shift my dreads
      and negative thoughts to positive, upbeat ones.
   *  I will show kindness to all I meet and feel a warm glow inside for having
      done so.

May this week be a time of family, friends and joy for all of you ~


Linda

Lecture & Analysis vs. Sharing

Brace yourself! I'm going to ventilate.

There's a Newsweek article online entitled "Divided We Eat" by Lisa Miller. Here's the link: What Food Says About Class in America - Newsweek. Although obviously a skilled journalist, Ms. Miller missed out completely on the generosity gene.

She describes the everyday shopping and eating habits of three families in Brooklyn - her own and two others. She and one friend are devotees of one or more of the organic, free range, free trade, high-end eating preferences. And it evidently never occurs to them to eat thoroughly healthy foods in a more modest price range. Another woman lives in "subsidized housing," but is fairly well versed in shopping for nutrition.

Then she peeks in at the food stamp folks who are fat, lazy and stupid. (Did I read that correctly, Ms. Miller?) The article would lead one to believe that includes all of those who live in poverty.

It's a long article, filled with good detail and, might I say, none too subtle attitude. Some of her points are well taken, but often harken back to one's upbringing. If everybody grew up in a family where healthy (not exotic) cooking played a natural part in their everyday lives, if they were taught the basic concepts of that gentle art - and even given a cookbook for a birthday, then the nutritional playing field would be a whole lot more even. But that isn't the case.

One reader made a great point: some of us took a Home Economics class in school, and there learned to read recipes, cook and even sew a bit. Those have long since fallen by the wayside. And, truly, mom and dad might have scant energy for teaching when they finally get home from work.

But home skills like cooking and simple budgeting are essential to building a solid foundation for family life - even for a family of one. If that isn't going to happen at home, how about upbeat, fun classes held on Saturdays in community centers, YMCAs or church kitchens? Cooking can be playful! And cooking nutritious foods on a budget is a fine challenge that gives the "doer" a powerful sense of one-upmanship on the economy.

Now my editorial: I don't recall any mention in that long article about the drinkers of imported, free trade, organic coffee picked by literate, well-groomed Columbians offering to teach economical nutrition and cooking or to offer a helping hand in some other way.

It would seem that judgment is the alpha and omega of Ms. Miller's writing.

Perhaps we could all set an example for that writer by offering to help in our own ways rather than wisely shaking our heads and tut-tutting about the inadequacies of others.

What do you think?

Linda

ps ... There is also a psychological tendency of poverty parents to feel guilty for not being able to provide more for their children. So they may show their love through sweets and other treats or by handing the child a $5 bill now and then. No, those are not economically logical, but they are understandable.

Ease Stress with Positive Mindset

According to Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., author of Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, optimism can be learned even by those who tend to be pessimistic. What an empowering concept! The above, his seminal book on positive psychology, sets forth various ways we can begin to move towards a brighter outlook on life.

Although I’m a dedicated optimist by nature, I still have my times of dreading future events if I think they’re going to be emotionally draining. And for a quiet person, that means any combination of noise, big bunches of people and the ensuing chaos. (Yes, those would be energizing for some. But not for me!)

Initially, my grandson’s 4th birthday party looked to be one of those chaotic times. Not only could it wear me out, but I wouldn’t really have any quiet family time with my two offspring and their children.

But somehow, on my way there, my thoughts shifted to happily hugging my family and being with them. By the time I got to my daughter’s house, I was actually looking forward to the afternoon with a huge smile on my face.

That afternoon turned out to be one of the happiest, most emotionally nourishing gatherings I’ve enjoyed in months. Perhaps it would have been no matter what my mindset was going in. But I do believe that anticipating and looking for the positive, the good fun, goes a long way to helping us focus on those things and ignore the rest.

Do we experience what we expect to experience? Possibly. Probably. I do.

It seems to be a matter of reconditioning our expectations.

Try it. You may really like it!

Linda

Offering Kindness

An acquaintance just told me he was going to give a 12YO boy 2 cans of his favorite soda as a birthday gift. But the boy had been receiving really bad grades in school and had been given in-school suspension. (Whether that was for the bad grades or a different infraction, the man didn't say.)

However, because of the problems the boy was experiencing, the man was only going to give him one can, and it was an obscure off-brand instead of his favorite.

I said maybe what the boy needed most was that 2nd can as an AttaBoy, a  vote of confidence that showed the giver believed the receiver could do it - a kindly boost to the child's self-confidence. But the man said, Oh, no! This one can is my AttaBoy. He doesn't even deservce that.

Even my saying it seemed like there had been punishment enough failed to sway him.

And I wondered - how many people try to make themselves seem superior by punishing and putting down another person. No one who demeans another can be superior or even appear to be.

It seems to me that kindness freely given is usually returned many fold in one way or another.What do you think?

Linda

Stress Relief & Socializing

This is written especially for those who, like me, enjoy socializing with friends, but can't quite face large (over 6 people), noisy gatherings when we're feeling stressed. Such get togethers simply drain our inner batteries more quickly during unsettled times and wear us out.

In the past, I followed the go-or-no principle. Since I really don't care for the shallow interactions of "cocktail party" events, they were easy to decline. But still I was left feeling a little left out if it involved friends or family.

After a lifetime of yes or no, I finally realized that the social gatherings that nourished me weren't all or nothing. Enjoying a 5-hour party for 2 or 3 hours and then leaving is sometimes just right. And theimportant people in my life don't think twice about a slightly early departure.

If you choose that route, I suggest you arrive at the start. Otherwise, you come into the middle of conversations and activities. Leave gracefully when you feel  happily satisfied. You will return home refreshed but not drained!

Happy socializing ~

Linda

An Autumn Retreat Beckons

Saturday morning will find 49 of my church buddies and me breathing in the peace and autumn air at Pere Marquette State Park at the confluence of the Illinois and Mississippi rivers. What a euphoric place of trees and rocky hillsides and small, wild critters. The greenest of baby lizards and the most luxuriant of tree tops can be found there.

It's also a primo place for relocating your inner peace and joy. And I'm reveling in the anticipation ~

Linda

Let Color Ease Your Stress

Ongoing stress can turn our whole world to shades of gray, both emotionally and physically. We neither see nor think in colors. Conversely, we can oten lighten the emotional load through simple splashes from the color wheel.

1. Use Crayons to write the reminders you put on your refrigerator door.
2. Tie a red scarf or bandana around your neck, head, wrist or ankle. Each time you glimpse it, smile at the inner, free spirit that lives along side your practical working self.
3. Stick a large canary-yellow posterboard on your office wall, and with the help of clear tape, use it as a bulletin board. Add a few children's stickers for fun.
4. Choose bright, kindergarten colors, i.e., red, yellow, green, orange, blue and purple, for your knitting and crocheting projects. (Making gifts for others that way will futher lighten your mood.)
5. Find a fairly smooth rock and using those bright markers, draw a smiling or silly face on it. Keep that Joy Rock on your desk or chair-side table as a good luck token.

 Let both the colors and the creativity lift and warm your heart.

Linda

When Selflessness is Selfish

One more life lesson came my way last night. A dear, longtime friend and I had had trouble finding a good time for her to bring a "quesadilla party" to my kitchen. So rather than cancel yet again, I didn't let on that I was wiped out from a minor touch of something unpleasant and short on sleep because of it.

Have you ever thought, "I can do this. I don't want to rain on our party again!" - and stuck with the plan? It feels like a giving thing. My friend and I could still have our quesadilla feast and watch "Treasure Island." All I had to do is sit in my chair. The thing is, I never considered that maybe I wouldn't be very good company.

This morning we talked on the phone about something entirely different. But her first words were about last night: "You should have told me you weren't feeling good! I watched you during the evening and you looked like you were dragged out and miserable."

Hmmm ... I'd say the lesson to be learned from that is that if I'm not feeling up to a fun evening, I'll probably be lousy company. Which is pretty much a lose/lose situation.

The next time I'll consider my friend's comfort and enjoyment as well as mine and make my decision based on that rather than my usual "tough it out" philosophy.

Thank you, Vera ~

Linda

Kindness for Stress-Relief

I recently stumbled upon an old fashioned sort of stress-reliever: kindness through giving. It started out as one of those chores we put off for years - cleaning out my bedroom closet. The reasons to put it off seemed to far outweigh my reasons to just do it.

1. I don't have time to tackle such a big job.
2. Once I start, I'll have to either finish the job or step over a massive pile of old clothes for weeks (or months) to come.
3. If this new-found self-discipline sticks, I'll lose enough weight to fit back into that.
4. That embroidered vest holds such loving memories for me, I can't bear to part with it!

Eventually, I realized that I only had to deal with one section of the closet at a time, that even if I could wear those outfits again, they were no longer my style, and that it was time for me to either pass that vest along or have it framed, I slid open the door and dug in.

Once those realities had sunk in, it took an amazingly short time to fill up two large trash bags with skirts, jackets, blouses and shoes for the clothing donations box a couple of miles away.

I drove down the street and pulled over beside the yellow, house-shaped container, and with a fine sense of accomplishment, I deposited first one plastic bag then the other. (Although I very nearly dove in after them to reclaim that vest!)

By the way, the vest was a lush dark green lined cotton with swirls of white and rust colored ribbon embroidery on the front~

But somehow, on the short drive home, my thoughts shifted from my loss of the vest to hoping that whoever wears it next will feel just as grand and self-confident as I had and create her own glowing memories. And I smiled right down through my heart!

It's a fact that kindness given stirs our body's production of seratonin (the calming hormone) and oxytocin (the snuggle hormone), but little did I realize how powerful it could be against long-term stress.

When you do decide to bite the bullet and tidy up your closet, think of it as a giving opportunity rather than a chore - it's a definite feel-good!

Happy giving ~

Lin

Economical Stress-Relief

As I recall, my physical body and remaining brain took months to relax after the rigid catatonia of autumn 2008. The term "stress relief" wasn't even amusing, much less helpful until the flinching stopped.

Eventually (1) my daughter began getting the treatments she so desperately needed, and (2) I noticed that so far, I wasn't homeless. Plus my survival strategy had included stocking up on a whole lot of various dried beans. So I wasn't going to starve either. And I discovered I had an inborn ability to hunker down.

But it took several more months to admit that the remaining high stress was still bad for my health. I was too work-driven to take time out for renewing daily walks, but I would sporadically treat myself to a 30-minutes meditation time (more or less) between the end of my work day and beginning of Brian Williams. Not that I was able to stick to a regular schedule. My free-style meditation times would come in three or four-day chunks, then be superseded by business networking or grandkids' visits. I now know that an erratic relaxation schedule is far better than none. (At the time, of course, I beat up on myself for not sticking to A Plan.)

I've now added another thrifty stress-relief remedy to my repertoire and have vowed to do one or more of the three every day. So far, so good. They are:

• A walk outdoors. Even 15 minutes lifts my spirits and turns my focus from anxious enterprise to bird-watching.
  
• Meditation time. I don't follow a formal method, often simply doing a self-guided meditation to a place in nature, real or imagined.
  
• A long Epsom salts bath. My personal rule is 20 minutes or longer. (I warm up the water after a while.) The package says to use 2 cups per tubful, but 1 to 1 1/2 seems to work fine. Making a gentle effort to stop thinking, I try to get to a floatie-zone mentally as my hands float in the water.

If I weren't still budget-watching, I would add an occasional massage and a Reiki treatment. (Hey, even a seasoned Reiki Master appreciates being a receiver sometimes!)

Happy relaxing ~

Linda

The Great Recession & Me

It's been awhile since I last wrote. So much has happened since October 2008. For many people worldwide, our relative security collapsed. We stumbled through the hours dazed and confused. Rational planning seemed useless because of the employment situations, market plunges, and the nauseating feeling that we, individually and collectively, were teetering at the edge of a bottomless abyss.

For many of us, non-recession shocks kept piling on, heedless of our percarious balance. That wrenching feeling of utter loss of control can make babbling lumps of the most competent people we know.

An independent business owner loses one client after another at the same time her health insurance premiums shoot up. The 39 year old single mother of two is confined to a wheelchair, yet dozens of tests and doctors cannot nail down which type of neutopathy is responbile, therefore no treatment can be given. It's 0 degrees on a December night in St. Louis. There's a sleeping two-year old angel in the back seat; the car overheats for the first time ever; and there's no one to call to come and help. Spinning out out control...

And yet we cope, and don't do so badly after all. Hindsight can be so comforting!

Enduring, and continuing to deal with, such reversals in life have taught us a lot both about our own strengths and about becoming more flexible in our problem solving. Lately, I've come to realize that much of what we've learned is worth passing along - both to each other and to future generations.

With that in mind, I'll be writing my own ruminations about practical, empowering actions, attitudes and mantras for a few months, as well as the solutions and toe-stubbings others have experrienced.

It would be wonderful if you shared yours with us by way of "comments." Your stories might just be the help the rest of us need in the future.

More ruminations coming soon ~

Linda